Caving into the funk

UGH!!!What is life? I ask myself this question every, single, day and I still don’t have the answers. I don’t know who I am or what I’m suppose to do.

I woke up with that “poor me” feeling this morning. I dread it! I want to be able to wake up each morning and say, “Bernadette, today is going to be a great day! and one day, you’ll find yourself and your passion.”

I feel like I need to be doing something creative, something important to show the world, but I don’t know what that is. I dabble here and there in many things, like singing, acting, dancing, writing/blogging, photography, cooking and I feel like I’m just okay at doing these things. I know it takes patience and hard work, but I can’t help compare myself to others. How come they know who they are already? How do they come up with great work and it shows their true self? I want that so badly. I crave that everyday. I wish it was here now. That I already felt confident in myself as a person and my work, but I don’t. I guess I just have to keep on trying, even on the days when I just want to curl up and hide.

Finding yourself

I look into my bathroom mirror, once I decide that waking up is something worth wild. I see a woman who is afraid of the unknown. After being sexually abused, and shaken to bits, I ask myself, “Who am I?” Who is this woman who stands before me? There are times when I have to pull myself together and tell myself that the nightmare I had last night was not real. That all my fears and worries aren’t coming to attack me from behind. I have to ring out the negative and find the positive in my life.

I have found joy again. Joy in photography. I can put all my negative feelings away and create something from a peaceful dream and make it apart of my life. I have this idea of becoming a food photographer, or a writer, or a blogger. So, that’s what I’m working towards and to start to enjoy the unknown. I don’t know who I am, but maybe one day I can look into my mirror and say, “Hello Bernadette, it’s nice to meet you.”

Some pictures that I took today~

Experiencing the world

I am trying to experiment with photography at the moment. I gave it up for quite a few years, but now I’m getting back into it. I find so much joy while I’m photographing. You can capture an image and create something unbelievable.

Enjoy my following images-More to come

Don’t mess with my egg salad recipe

Don’t mess with my egg salad recipe

This is a random creation that I came up with last night…very last minute, but I thought I would share the recipe with the world.

Ingredients:

-one chicken breast      -salt and pepper

-arugula greens             -white pepper

-blue cheese (of course)-garlic powder

– one potato

-one tomato

-rosemary

-one egg

-olive oil

First off cut your potato into thin slices. You can make them into circles or halves. I opted for halves and circles.  🙂 Then season with olive oil, salt and pepper and rosemary. Put in the oven on 410 and bake for 30-40 minutes.

Once the potatoes are half way done, you can start on your chicken. Put some oil in a pan and let that heat up on medium heat. Cut your chicken breast into thin slices and season with salt, pepper, and garlic. Once the pan is hot, put in the chicken in. You want to hear that sizzling sound once the chicken hits the pan. Then you know that you have done at the right time.

By this time your potatoes should be done. Take them out of the oven and let them cool. Once the chicken is done put it into a bowl to cool also. I like to prepare things in advance, so I already had a pile of arugula on my plate with my rosemary bread on the side and tomatoes cut up too.

Once you’re waiting for things to cool down, crack your one egg into the still sizzling pan that you had your chicken in. It should still be hot enough and the egg should form into a nice shape.

After that, you put it all together on a plate…AND TADA!

Enjoy your Friday everyone! I will be posting more frequently. This week seemed to catch up with me.

Applause

These past couple of years, I have been so down on myself. Feeling like I’m not good enough, that my life will never get better and I will always fail at life.

I guess I am getting tired of my past weighing me down. So, this past week, I was fortunate enough to get an interview at Rent the Runway. It is a company that gives the “Cinderella experience” to many women that can’t afford designer dresses. I haven’t a clue what I want to do as a career in the long run, but I thought “I need a job.” I haven’t had a job for over a couple of years, which is frightening to say, but I had my reasons. Anyway, I went in for the group interview and I thought after the interview that “I’m such a failure.” “I won’t get the job.” BUT I got the job. I will be starting the two-week course and then if I pass that I will be doing that full-time till May. Even after hearing about that I got the job, I was still feeling insecure and feeling like I was going to fail. Thank my loving boyfriend, that he was able to pick me up and get me out of that funk. Even though, life may be unsure and you may doubt yourself, you have to at least try. So, I am going to try my best and if I get through the two-week course, then great, if I don’t, then that’s okay. Life goes on. “If you never take a chance, your life will never change.”

So, to treat myself for getting a job, my boyfriend treated me to hanging out in Brooklyn on Saturday and going to Five Leaves for brunch http://fiveleavesny.com/

My boyfriend got a coffee as usual and I tried their mocha, which was a little bit bitter for my taste, but nothing four packs of sugar can’t help 😉

Me cheesing away

We both ordered the Ricotta pancakes. They’re heavenly. The batter they used for the pancakes, ended up making the pancakes fluffy and smooth. The pancakes were topped off with blueberries, strawberries and bananas. Then a decadent scoop of butter.

AND we had to get the truffle fries of course!

We pretty much ate everything on our plates.

After having our brunch we needed to walk off our food babies. We stroll through Brooklyn and enjoyed the breeze of the winter weather (Haha…not) But we did enjoy being together. So, if you ever feel like your not worth enough, take a breath and give yourself a break. I know it’s easier said than done, but when you’re ready to put yourself in that mind-set, “That everything will be okay.” Then you will realize how freeing it can be.

Eats for the week!

I thought I would start documenting some of the things I eat for the week. I know that I have really gotten off the bandwagon of eating healthy, so I’m going to start taking pictures of what I eat. Hopefully, that will give me more of an incentive to eat better. Enjoy!! and have a beautiful Friday and PLEASE stay warm!

I started off the week, with an egg, sprinkled with blue cheese (mmm) and chopped purple onions with salt and pepper. A side of grape tomatoes and a slither of prosciutto.

Then for dinner this week, I had a Banh mi sandwich. It was delicious, but next time I will pass on the liver paste. It was pretty sick, almost like wet cat food.

Then last night, we had some yummy salad with blue cheese, and red pepper. Some homemade bread with olive oil and pepper. Then some split pea soup!!!

Lastly, my super quick salad. If you would like to make, here is the recipe

-A bag of leafy greens (use as much as you want)

-chopped strawberries

-blue cheese

-avocados

for the dressing

-honey

-garlic

-olive oil

Microwave the dressing for ten-fifteen seconds and then stir and top on salad.

If you don’t like honey or sweet dressings, I don’t recommend it, but I thought it was rather delicious.

Have a happy Friday everyone! STAY WARM

Photo post

Here are some photos this weekend. I regret not taking any on Sunday, because we had a lovely brunch with friends, BUT it will happen again eventually. Enjoy your day off, if you have yours off!
My boyfriend and I made a lovely brunch and he started off making biscuits.

Abby was getting restless and decided I needed to pay attention to her. Oh, okay, little pup…

MMMM FRUIT
Today, I made some more punch which consisted of raspberry sherbet, orange juice, ginger ale and some champagne…YUM YUM!

Then a nice potato, mixed greens, blue-cheese, and tomato salad!!

NEW CAMERA

My Nikon camera- I have three different lenses and I’m testing one of them so far. Like the results. Yay or nay?

My little one (I SEE YOU!)

I love the blurring effect

Homemade lemon curd and blueberry buns anyone??

Oh, Anthropologie

Oh, Anthropologie, how I love thee.

The Cat almost looks cross-eyed from this distance.

All the beautiful and shiny knobs.

Oh anthro!

#anthropologie#anthro#fashion#photography#chelsea market#happiness#glitter#shiny#clothing#photos#cats#nyc